Worst raya holiday ever!!!

Do you know how it feels when you're left all alone? Do you know how it feels whenever you're heading to lunch or dinner o whatsoever and realising that you're gonna eat all alone by yourself? Do you ever know how it feels when you have to be all alone in a distant place where there's no one by your side? argh! this is the worst raya EVER!!!

I'm left alone in the hostel room. Every single day woke up not knowing what to do. Every morning wakes up realising there's a pile of assignments waiting for you to do but you have no idea where to start! Everyone is at least enjoying their holiday spending it with their love ones or at least be at home but I'm staying here in the hostel room naggin ang nagging to the blog.

I thought that this was the last semesters, only left few months for me to see those whom i really thought was dear to me. yet, during this holiday i'm going through it alone and they are staying home as usual.. maybe i was the only one who thought that we're different. I mean, i always thought you guys were different, unlike those whom you already know using me. but going through this holiday is making me realise maybe you guys is no much different from them. it makes my heartache thinking about it. why is it during the last semesters of the studies our friendship grew apart? Is it we're all busy? I can say 100% the answer is NO. somehow our distance is getting wider, we're not as close as last time. there are many times that i tried to bring things up and most of the time i ended up dissapointed and i gave up as well.. maybe our friendship is not that strong anyways. sometimes i wonder, do you guys every cared about this friendship? you guys have your own life, teaching, going to school, your family, boyfriends but have you ever realise? you're the family that i have here in Sabah, you're actually important!

I guess you guys will never realise how i'd feel after all. Our story our friendship during these few years are only going to be our memories. memories for us to think that there were once we were so close but it's not the same anymore. it's never gonna be the same.

I hate this holiday! All i can do is just do and do and do my farking retarted assignments. nono.. actually i'm the one retarted. bcoz i'm de only who doesn't know how to do.

I'm confused,

sometimes i really wonder...Is it true? or it is fake and all that they do is actually trying to use me. and come on people.. I'm not a 3 year old kid. I can feel it when you're actually up to something okay! Why do you people need to make it so fucking obvious that every single time you take the initiative to find me or talk to me is bcoz there's something that you need from me!!?

I am a human too okay. I don't fucking deny that i 'used' people as well. Using someone is actually a very harsh word i know after all you people will say it's just helping friends. ya, when you put it in a nice way it is called 'help each other' but when you wanna say it the harsh way you're just fucking using her! At least all this while i wanted people to help me I'd show my initiative first to help people before expecting someone to help me. everytime i use my true heart to treat you as a friend. A TRUE FRIEND. i don't fucking mind you use me but pls!! MAKE ME FEEL WORTH IT YOU MORON! DON'T KEEP CONFUSING ME FOR I DO NOT KNOW WHEN THE HELL IS IT YOU ASK ME OUT OR ASK ME SOMETHING BECAUSE U WANTED TO ASK ME OR IS BECAUSE BEHIND THOSE CONVERSATION YOU ACTUALLY HAS A FUCKING REQUEST YOU WANTED ME TO DO!

FUCK YOU PPL AND PLEASE! ROT AND DIE IN HELL!
YOU'RE MORE WORST THAN THE GARBAGE IN THE WHOLE EARTH!